The MacLamity

The News That Stays News, Reported Live

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

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Today's HARD-TO-FATHOM PLOT SUMMARY
For 'Be Gone Demons!'
Meandering through the history of Iraq from Biblical times to the present
filled with paranoid
invectives against the Jews,

who delight in inciting troubles between
Muslim nations and encouraging
the Romans to attack Iraq.

The arch-villain is Ezekiel, an immortal
Jew whose presence runs
throughout time. He is a fat, evil old man.

The Iran-Iraq war began
when Ezekiel convinced the head of the Iraqi tribe
to invade his neighbour. The Iraqis, led
by a doddering old Sheikh, are quickly defeated
and Ezekiel seizes power in the country.

Enter the resistance fighter Salim
"a pure, virtuous Arab. Salim
is tall and handsome
with a straight nose"

The 1991 Gulf war is portrayed as an ambush
by Ezekiel, which Salim shrugs off, driving him
out of the country
with
the words,

"Be gone demon."

But Ezekiel returns
instead
with Roman allies.

In the ensuing battle Salim "fights
the Romans like a hawk". The onslaught proves
irresistible and Ezekiel and the Roman king flee

Then Ezekiel Hescel and the king
of the Romans saw the twin towers of the Roman's
city on fire. Ezekiel Hescel was beating his face
and saying, "Everything I've collected is gone."

One of the Romans was laughing at Ezekiel
and advised him: "Try building
Another two towers and sell the one
And rent the other to the Roman king!
Both you and the Roman king will rot in hell."

Arabs had set the towers on fire.
How adventurous they are when they become nervous!
The Roman watched the blaze
and wondered who had done it. The king
Said: "Our enemies are great in numbers."
Ezekiel Hescel answered no."Such a fedeyeen
attack could only be carried out by the Arabs".

Ezekiel Hescel and the Roman leader ran
away after
because they had lost their power and money.
--From Saddam's final novel

P.S. Saddam's favorite novelist was apparently Hemingway.